So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
