i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
