It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
