Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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