All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
