then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
