Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
