Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
