Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
