There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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