Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
