how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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