Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
All the doctor said was why
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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