he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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