I heard we made out
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
