Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
