My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
