im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
