he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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