Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
