is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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