an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
