Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
