it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
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