Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
