peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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