Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
