R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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