So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
