No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
