we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
