college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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