There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
