Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
