He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
