you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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