You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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