bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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