The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
