everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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