Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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