Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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