Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
