And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
