New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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