we should wear snuggies to the strip club
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
