i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
