I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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