tell your sister to shave her snatch
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
