I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
