Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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