you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
