guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
