I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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