just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
