she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
