i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
