so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Every concussion has its silver lining
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
