bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
