no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
