Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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