I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
