I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Where is the hickey?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Randomize
