My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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