Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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