If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
