I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
