escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
