you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
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