insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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