"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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