i think my tv is drunk
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
