So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
