So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
